familiesinchrist.com

Aug

Can we please talk in private?

Posted by admin at 7:20 pm

Yesterday I was unloading some things out of the truck and into our shed, a space heater I think, and some other store-ables. Just as I was forcing some room on a shelf, and concentrating on the next thing on my to-do list, Nathan and Zack come up with reports of a skirmish between them. Nathan had bumped a water bottle which was propped up at Zack’s mouth and spilled the contents down the front of Zack’s shirt. Nathan was apologizing. Zack was gasping. And I just mumbled something about it just being water and went on about my chores. About 15 min. later, now sitting in the living-room taking a short break, Nathan came up to me and asked to talk to me. Nathan had a look of confidence in his eyes so I agreed and said, “Sure, have a seat.” To which he replied, “No, daddy, can we please talk in private?” “Well, sure.”

We shuffled back to the bedroom and sat on his bunk. “So, what’s on your mind?” I asked. Remember, Nathan just turned eight in February. “Well, daddy, I feel like sometimes, when I’m trying to talk to you about something which I think is important, you don’t fully listen to me.” He dropped his eyes. I sat stunned. I paused and thought a moment. Then I opened up wide to see what would follow. “Please, Nathan, tell me where and how. I certainly want to listen to you.” Nathan, raised his head back up and made eye contact with me. “Well, like just now. I was trying to tell you that I was saying sorry to Zack and he was not accepting it. Instead, he was just mad and running off. But it was an accident. And I wanted you to help with that.” “Oh, I see,” I softly replied. “Well, I guess I do need to try and stop what I’m doing and listen better, when you guys are coming to me. I know I can get really focused on what I’m doing.” “Yes, you sure can,” he said, as he nodded. “And I guess I do that quite often because I tend to stay so busy.” “You sure do, daddy.” We sat quiet for a moment. Then I added, “Ok, I want to change and do much better from now on. So let me know the instant I do that to you or anyone else so that I can work on changing it. Ok?” He smiled, “Ok, daddy, you got it.” We both smiled.
We hugged each other and I thanked him for being patient with me but also for taking care of me. I assured him that God was using him to help me and that I was very proud of him for becoming such a wonderful young man. As we were leaving the room I grabbed his shoulder and said, “Nathan, thanks again for taking a minute to talk to me.” To which he replied, “You’re welcome. That was pretty much my first time.” I just laughed as I picked him up and hugged him tightly.
I hope it is his first time. He’s amazing. But his learning to approach me with his feelings and thoughts is not just an accident. He is learning that from this life we live, from the day to day workings within the Body of Christ, where sharing homes, and sharing lives requires us to really learn to talk to each other. Our children are the future, they say. Well, that future is only as good as our present. What we put into our kids today will determine what comes out of them tomorrow. Today I praise God for the great things being put into my children.
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Aug

Good Parenting = Time

Posted by admin at 7:19 pm

I won’t claim to know much about parenting. Nathan is only 9 1/2. The other five are staggered down to only 18 months, here in family Parkerson, and many days April and I feel like we’re too disorganized and haphazard with our parenting. Six! But one thing is for sure: Good parenting = time. We always feel it (“it”, being that place of confidence with ourselves and happiness in our family) when we’re spending time with our kids.

I like this passage, even though it’s difficult.

⁴ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

We’ve all read it a hundred times. It’s from Deut 6. And it’s a gem of a scripture. It’s tough because there is this picture here, a picture of lots and lots of time. Sure there is the Greatest Commandment in all the Bible. But what’s next? How are these commandments to “be on your hearts”? Well, time. “When you sit at home;” “walk along”, “lie down” and “get up.” That is… all the time.

So does this mean we are to quote this awesome truth about loving God all day long, or make the kids do so? I don’t think so. It can’t be. What good would that do? My kids know this verse because we’ve memorized it. But that only took a few days. What do we do the rest of the… time? Well, for one thing, we play legos. Like we did tonight.

The last few days have been pretty stressful, as far as the “go, go, go” goes. There were the trips to the storm shelters in the middle of the night. A trip to Memphis for a bday party. And trips to my office to get caught up on work (cause the really busy season is now upon us). As a result of this hyper-speedy life lately, our kids have been grumpy, and arguing with one another, and … grumpy. I really needed to do something other than, “STOP FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AND GET ALONG!! … NOW!!!” Yeah,…. that works, especially as we’re loading up to rush off to the next… thing. No, what my boys needed was, quite simply put, ME. They needed me. So tonight, instead of heading out the door to another meeting* I felt deep in my spirit that I needed to play legos. It couldn’t and shouldn’t wait any longer. So we did.

I always love the look on their faces when I plop down on their floor and pour out the pieces. Eyes wide, followed by, “Daddy, are you going to play with us!?!??” “Yes indeed… let’s go.” One hour later and we’ve constructed a futuristic, hovering launch pad with a robot car and recon bird inside; and a carrier craft and several check-point stations on top. As the small engineering marvel begins to take it’s final shape, the boys seem to instinctively now when it’s “time to play.” Suddenly, as if we skipped the credits George Lucas style, the imaginations light up and the adventure begins. I enjoy the building time a great deal, because we often, spontaneously, get to talk about life in their small size world, and what it means to love God with all our heart as well as love each other. But when the curtain raises on the unfolding story at hand I’m always amazed at their teamwork. And I’m even more amazed by their state of heart. For they have “spent time with Daddy.” And that’s the real wonder of it all.

I think the same thing is true of our relationship with God in regards to time. Again, I don’t have much experience here. But I know that whenever I’ve felt something off in my spirit –you know, felt a little grumpy and stressed, it was because I needed time with my own daddy, my Abba Father. Without fail, a little time with him rights the world around me and brings Christ into focus. I’m amazed at the new state of heart. God hard-wired this need for time right into every single relationship. And we have to see that.

Our kids need us to spend time with them. They cannot tell us, “I think I need time with you.” We have to sense it, feel something is off, and go to them. In a perfect world we’d spend enough time with our children that they would not often feel the lack or distance. But, well, here we are, in a non-perfect world. This is the world where we fight to make time for our children, our spouses, and our friends. If we don’t,… well, we’ll loose them.

I’ve read a pretty good sized stack of parenting books over time and “time” is definitely a theme in most. All the specialists note it’s importance. Many say you need “quantity” in order to get “quality.” That’s probably true. You can’t just plop down and expect deep spiritual conversation every time. And if you try to force it they will likely feel you coming…with an agenda. Up go their guards against fake and force-fed parenting. Instead, I think we have to come down and play on their level. No matter the age or the interest or the hobby, we can find time with them when we do the things they like. And as we humble ourselves to the floor in search of that one, white, flat, long piece, they’ll look up at us and see their daddy, and feel safe, and comfortable, and loved. That’s the place where we are able to “talk about these things” as we “lie down” and “get up.” And “play legos.”

Good parenting = time. It equals time when ever and where ever and however you can secure it. Secure, and protect it, and keep it top priority. Time goes so quickly. Time is fleeting. Time is of the essence. Right!! And if we ask of our children, “Are you in my heart?” but we have not spent the time with them, to make a place for them, then it makes no difference. Time is the main ingredient. Good parenting = time. And we have to fight for that time in every decision and in every time of our lives. Even more, just as my boys knew instinctively when it was time to begin, we should follow our own instincts as the Spirit of God prompts us to spend time with our families.

There is more to write about this topic, but I’m out of time. Later. Now I need to publish this and go finish tucking the boys in…. and try not to step on that one loose lego piece with my bare feet!